the end is near .... or is it????
this has been quite an ordeal. the past five days have been a complete living hell. emotions running rampid not knowing where to settle. my brain has covered every feeling humanily possible from anger to jealousy. some of which are justifiable. others i think were just my brain's way of a diversion. all i know is that friends and family have come and gone home. my father has been shoved into the oven to be devoured by flames. my mom is exhausted and sleeping. and i get to go home tomorrow.
on the positive side (hmmm ... maybe some won't agree) i've learned a few things. i need to take better care of myself and my loved ones. and i need to figure out what i want done when my times comes to go *poof*.
taking better care of myself is going to be the hard one. i've been so horribly bad this week. i've eaten more meat in 5 days than i've eaten all year. who cares if it's bad for my tummy? who cares if dairy is evil? who cares if chocolate, ice cream, twinkies, chocolate cake are the works of beelzebub? apparently not me this week. come tuesday, i WILL be better. come october i will be able to cook and make meals to keep myself and my love healthy. and maybe, just maybe can prolong the joys of life a little longer.
the easy part will be deciding what i want when i bite the bullet. first of all i DON'T want no fucking sterile thrown-together who-knows-what-the-fuck-the-denomination-is minister throwing around words about god and jesus as he reads off a computer printout. fuck that shit. if i can't have my viking funeral (not quite sure about the legal aspects of that. "yes, sir, i want a permit to put my wife on a rickety boat, set her aflame and push her out to sea". yeah.) then i want someone to contract some professional black mourners, have live gospel music, and a reverend that will put his entire body into the sermon as he shouts "praise be to god!". i want singing and clapping. i want old women crying and fainting. i want to raise the roof gosh darnit!!!! then throw my scrawny white ass into a pine box and pick a purdy spot somewhere for me to rot away. then me and the buggaboos can party it up. NO MATTER WHAT ... DO **NOT** (I REPEAT, DO **NOT**) PUT ME INTO THE OVEN!!! i do not like fire. i have a hard time lighting a match. and the thought of cremation gives me the heebie jeebies. and darling, K, if you're still around you need to promise me that my mother does not make me all crispy. i don't trust her hesitant agreement when we discussed this earlier today. k? k. (yes i know i mentioned viking funeral ... but that's just cool as hell and i could deal with the flames if it had a story like that attached). of course i'd really like to be mummified in the traditional sense, but i understand that's somewhat unrealistic and incredibly expensive. but if someone could yank my brain through my nostrils and throw it in a jar, by all means, go to town.
anyway, enough of all that. i think it's time for me to get my shit together for my flight tomorrow and maybe watch a flick. maybe i'll watch airplane or twilight zone the movie. nothing like a good scare before a 6 hour flight.
with my tongue >>
in my ears >>
lusting for >>
last 5 beheadings
No More Drunken Debauchery ... For A While At Least - 2004-12-20
lookie what i found for dinner - 2004-12-02
thank you to the tall, thin bespectacled person from seattle ... for making my life miserable - 2004-11-28
keeping in motion - 2004-11-09
Monkeys in My Attic - 2004-11-06
head still attached ~ in the basket